Sunday, October 5, 2014

Missing Grandpa

There are times when, since Dad has left us, that break my heart.  Earlier, Joci had kind of disappeared and I went looking for her downstairs.  Apparently, she was making a book and told me she was almost done with it and I could see after it was done.
This is what she made:
"What I do with my Grandpa.  by JHooge"

"In the morning I go to get some donuts with him."

"I go garage-saling with him."

"I got to bed in his bed and we watch t.v. together."

"We invite my cousins over and we play with them."

Joci, "But when I was sad, is when he died.  We never got to do the fun things no more."

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Sometimes I think they are moving along, all fine, and then this happens and I wonder if she's really okay.  I gave Jocelyn a great big hug and told her how sad I was that Grandpa had to go when she was so young, but that I was so glad she got to have so many special times with him and that she remembers them so well.  I told her that her Grandpa loved her so much.  Then she had to go to the bathroom, and while she was in there I cried.  I miss you, Dad.  You were just an AMAZING Grandpa!

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Happy Birthday Jocelyn!

Happy Happy Birthday to my dear, sweet Joci Lulu!  You've turned eight and I can't believe the changes you've gone through in the last year.  You are such a big girl now, with your own friends, your own thoughts, and your own cute, sassy attitude!  You are a bit of a messy girl (a lot like me when I was younger), but secretly, I admire your rebellious streak, even if it will make me crazier each day.  You have such a tremendous spunk and joyous attitude towards living and having fun which is so evident in your laugh.  You are caring and loving and kind to those in need and oh so quick with a hug and a kiss.  I do not look forward to the day when you will no longer want to sit on my lap and snuggle with me.  I know it's coming, and soon, but I will miss those great big squeezer hugs you give.  Jocelyn, you are such a smart cookie, I know that you will do well all your life.  I'm so proud of you and the young lady you are becoming!
Joci ready for her Daddy - Daughter dance in December.

Daddy picked out her dress for her after trying on at least 25!

December 2013

Friday, December 20, 2013

Meet Jarvis!

When we moved to England we knew we wouldn't be able to take our sweet Boxer, Clay, with us.  Logan had gotten out and we could never locate him, even with tags and a microchip.  Clay was older, had severe arthritis, and really hated the cold.  We searched for a family to take him, one that would love on him and after awhile we found a nice (we thought) lady, the mother of a friend of ours.  She fawned all over him and we were happy that he would be with someone that would love him.  Little did we know that she was going to turn around and take him straight to the pound.  We got a call about a week later saying that he was there and was being held as aggressive.  Long story short, Boxer Luv Rescue ended up saving our Clay and he was placed with a family that loved on him till he passed away while we were in England.  We always said that we wanted to adopt from Boxer Luv when we got back to the states, a senior dog, just like our Clay.

Fast forward to two weeks ago.  We had talked to Mom about adopting a senior boxer and she was cautiously on board, but she wanted to do it around Christmas as a gift for the family.  Then, on Facebook I heard that BLR was worried as they only had so many foster spaces and too many boxers to rescue.  I contacted them, and they jumped at the chance to place a senior boy with us.  It was earlier than we wanted, but I truly feel like this scenario was meant to be.  We got Jarvis the next day.

He looks so much like Clay it's uncanny.  And, I've accidentally called him Clay a few times.  But, he is the sweetest, most mellow, consciencious dog I've ever seen.  He follows Mom and the kids around a lot.  He's learned to stay out of the kitchen while we're cooking, he doesn't really bark, and just generally loves to be loved on.  He hasn't had much training that we can see, but is smart as a whip.  He loves being outside and lounging in the grass on warm days and he really loves being with the kids.

Speaking of the kids, they have really taken to him more than we thought, especially Joci.  They play with him and have started working on training with him as well.  Joe took a nap with him the other day on the floor, and Joci loves to play with him in the yard.  But, the most touching relationship he has is with Mom.  He really follows her around, checking on her and seeing what she's up to, and I think she's really loving the attention.

To say he came at a time when we needed him, is an understatement.  He is so lovely and sweet, and we need him, I think, as much as he needs us.
Joci with Jarvis on the day that we got him.  He was still very woozy from the anesthesia.

December, 2013

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Happy Birthday Joseph!

I want to wish my sweet, sweet Joe a very happy 10th Birthday!  I cannot believe it's been ten years since you entered our lives.  I feel like the luckiest Mommy ever to have you for my son.  You are a true English gentleman, with a heart of gold, a big 'ole brain, and a generous spirit that amazes me every single day.  I could not be more proud of you, and while I would love to take credit for how awesome you are, I know it's all you.  Keep on this path, my darling, and your life will be filled with wonder and love.
I love you my sweet, sweet Joe!
December 16, 2013

Friday, December 13, 2013

Happy Birthday Dad!

Yesterday was my Dad’s birthday.  Normally I would have called and chatted with him from England and sent him a card.  But, instead we went out to one of his favorite restaurants to celebrate his birthday for him, because as of two days ago, he’s been gone for one month.  He passed away November 11, 2013, at 8:03pm from Bladder Cancer.  Yesterday, for me, was a little overcast.  I've been thinking a lot about him and how he liked to spend his birthdays, usually cooking his own birthday meal of whatever he wanted. 

My Dad was the typical middle child, with an older brother and younger sister in Indiana.  His family spent some time in Phoenix when he was younger, with them later moving back to Indiana.  He always like Arizona, though, and returned there with us in 1979.  He hated the cold and loved the heat. 


 My Dad married my Mom in 1967.  They were both young and gorgeous and enjoyed their lives together playing with their toys and having a great time with friends and family. 

When I was born, I was included in most of the fun.  I remember so many things about my Dad, both good and bad, mostly good.

-He always, always made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, even with my frizzy hair and buck teeth.  Mom would buy me a new dress to go out to a special dinner, and my Dad was the only one that could tie the bow perfectly. 

-Dad was the only person, ever, to truly know how to make me feel better with just about any situation.  He was quick with a reassuring hug, and slow with criticism.  Dad just…understood.  Whether it was tears over a boy, a scraped knee, or as I got older more serious things, he was always there.  I could talk to him about anything.

-Dad taught me how to cook and appreciate good food.  We would often cook together, and watch cooking shows commenting on what looked good and what didn’t.  We went to so many restaurants and would critique them from top to bottom.  I could always talk food with him.
-He taught me how to drive in a GIANT Ford Bronco from the 70’s that was a manual.  It was not a good day.  After that, Mom taught me how to drive. 

-Dad loved to camp and be outdoors as much as possible.  I am not a camper, each and every time I would go, it would rain.  I stopped going.  We did like to do road trips together, though.  He once took me on a road trip all around Arizona and up into Utah as well.  Some of the sights we saw on the trip, I will never forget.  Dad was the best tour guide whenever friends or family from out of state would come into town.

-Dad took me to buy my first financed car.  He went with me, but did not interfere.  I always thought it was very cool that he trusted me to do the deal well.

-Dad gave me away when I married Jon, and bowed his head during the prayer.  He squeezed my hand as I walked down the aisle with him.  He smiled and smiled and cried a little, too.

-Dad was very literally the best Grandpa there ever was.  He had four grandchildren, two from each of us.  He had a very special connection with Joseph.  They would go up hiking and stayed in the cabin, picking black raspberries, fishing, and hiking.  Dad would listen to every single word Joe would say and carry on lengthy conversations with him about anything.  Jocelyn was Dad’s little princess.  She gave him snuggles and kisses, would dance with him, and follow him around everywhere.  She liked to cook with Grandpa and do fashion shows for him of any new clothes.  Of all the things that break my heart about losing my Dad, is that my children lost their Grandpa much too early.  I hope and pray that they will remember him, and I will help them with this looking at pictures and telling them lots of stories about their special Grandpa.

I miss my Dad so much.  There were some times near the end when he was struggling so that I just wanted it to be over for him.  No more pain, no more medication, no more stupid cancer.  Mom, Matt, and I were there when he went.  It was horrible and yet precious at the same time.  We were there for him, telling him how much we loved him, telling him he was not alone as his eyes frantically looked around, knowing this was it.  Now, I would give absolutely ANYTHING for just a few moments with him.  I’d tell him again and again how much I love him, how much he means to me, how amazing he was…just to give him a big hug and get one in return.

Now, he’s gone.  There are times when it feels like he is just away, traveling, not gone forever.  It’s starting to sink in more and more now, though.  He’s not coming back, I won’t see him again.  I won’t hear his booming laugh, or see the twinkle in his crystal blue eyes.  His entire being has been reduced to ashes in a box, and that seems so…odd.  His existence here is done, he is no more.  Yes, he will always be in our hearts, and yes we will always carry his wise words and beaming smile with us.  But, he is gone.  Forever.  There is no longer a Ronald Ray Fischer from Indiana, living in Arizona. 

Most of the time I’m okay.  I go through my life as I would, with lots of changes right now.  I think of him fondly and what he would say or do during my day.  The hardest times is when someone will tell you how sorry they are or how much they miss him, and that’s when it zaps me.  My eyes swell with tears and I try to keep it together.  I know eventually it will be easier and easier and the smiles will out-weigh the tears, but for now, I miss my Dad.