Happy Birthday Dad!

Yesterday was my Dad’s birthday.  Normally I would have called and chatted with him from England and sent him a card.  But, instead we went out to one of his favorite restaurants to celebrate his birthday for him, because as of two days ago, he’s been gone for one month.  He passed away November 11, 2013, at 8:03pm from Bladder Cancer.  Yesterday, for me, was a little overcast.  I've been thinking a lot about him and how he liked to spend his birthdays, usually cooking his own birthday meal of whatever he wanted. 

My Dad was the typical middle child, with an older brother and younger sister in Indiana.  His family spent some time in Phoenix when he was younger, with them later moving back to Indiana.  He always like Arizona, though, and returned there with us in 1979.  He hated the cold and loved the heat. 

 

 

 My Dad married my Mom in 1967.  They were both young and gorgeous and enjoyed their lives together playing with their toys and having a great time with friends and family. 

When I was born, I was included in most of the fun.  I remember so many things about my Dad, both good and bad, mostly good.

-He always, always made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, even with my frizzy hair and buck teeth.  Mom would buy me a new dress to go out to a special dinner, and my Dad was the only one that could tie the bow perfectly. 

-Dad was the only person, ever, to truly know how to make me feel better with just about any situation.  He was quick with a reassuring hug, and slow with criticism.  Dad just…understood.  Whether it was tears over a boy, a scraped knee, or as I got older more serious things, he was always there.  I could talk to him about anything.

-Dad taught me how to cook and appreciate good food.  We would often cook together, and watch cooking shows commenting on what looked good and what didn’t.  We went to so many restaurants and would critique them from top to bottom.  I could always talk food with him.

-He taught me how to drive in a GIANT Ford Bronco from the 70’s that was a manual.  It was not a good day.  After that, Mom taught me how to drive. 

-Dad loved to camp and be outdoors as much as possible.  I am not a camper, each and every time I would go, it would rain.  I stopped going.  We did like to do road trips together, though.  He once took me on a road trip all around Arizona and up into Utah as well.  Some of the sights we saw on the trip, I will never forget.  Dad was the best tour guide whenever friends or family from out of state would come into town.

-Dad took me to buy my first financed car.  He went with me, but did not interfere.  I always thought it was very cool that he trusted me to do the deal well.

-Dad gave me away when I married Jon, and bowed his head during the prayer.  He squeezed my hand as I walked down the aisle with him.  He smiled and smiled and cried a little, too.

-Dad was very literally the best Grandpa there ever was.  He had four grandchildren, two from each of us.  He had a very special connection with Joseph.  They would go up hiking and stayed in the cabin, picking black raspberries, fishing, and hiking.  Dad would listen to every single word Joe would say and carry on lengthy conversations with him about anything.  Jocelyn was Dad’s little princess.  She gave him snuggles and kisses, would dance with him, and follow him around everywhere.  She liked to cook with Grandpa and do fashion shows for him of any new clothes.  Of all the things that break my heart about losing my Dad, is that my children lost their Grandpa much too early.  I hope and pray that they will remember him, and I will help them with this looking at pictures and telling them lots of stories about their special Grandpa.

I miss my Dad so much.  There were some times near the end when he was struggling so that I just wanted it to be over for him.  No more pain, no more medication, no more stupid cancer.  Mom, Matt, and I were there when he went.  It was horrible and yet precious at the same time.  We were there for him, telling him how much we loved him, telling him he was not alone as his eyes frantically looked around, knowing this was it.  Now, I would give absolutely ANYTHING for just a few moments with him.  I’d tell him again and again how much I love him, how much he means to me, how amazing he was…just to give him a big hug and get one in return.

Now, he’s gone.  There are times when it feels like he is just away, traveling, not gone forever.  It’s starting to sink in more and more now, though.  He’s not coming back, I won’t see him again.  I won’t hear his booming laugh, or see the twinkle in his crystal blue eyes.  His entire being has been reduced to ashes in a box, and that seems so…odd.  His existence here is done, he is no more.  Yes, he will always be in our hearts, and yes we will always carry his wise words and beaming smile with us.  But, he is gone.  Forever.  There is no longer a Ronald Ray Fischer from Indiana, living in Arizona. 

Most of the time I’m okay.  I go through my life as I would, with lots of changes right now.  I think of him fondly and what he would say or do during my day.  The hardest times is when someone will tell you how sorry they are or how much they miss him, and that’s when it zaps me.  My eyes swell with tears and I try to keep it together.  I know eventually it will be easier and easier and the smiles will out-weigh the tears, but for now, I miss my Dad.

Family Photos

While we were visiting with my parents in August my Mom insisted that we have our family photos done again.  After all, the last time we had them done was when Jocelyn was just two years old.  So...I guess every five years isn't asking too much.  I really appreciate that she made us do it.  I love how the pictures turned out and have had a hard time deciding which ones to print and send and hang on the wall, etc.  So let me know what you think!  My only regret is that I didn't make my parents do one with us, or on their own.  So, I will have to work on that.

August 2013

Woburn Village Festival

This last weekend Jon took us to the Woburn Village Oyster Festival.  Mostly, so that I could have oysters.  He's so sweet that way.  It was pretty busy and in a little market town that I loved.  They had an amazing flea market set up, lots of games and rides for the kids, oysters, mussels, sausages, and music.  Joci had a great time dancing to the big band music.  She told me that she'd like to play the trumpet.  Joe actually tried mussels, Joci did too, but Joe truly liked them.  Nobody tried an oyster with me.  I found a gorgeous antique platter for the kitchen.  We all had fun.  It was a good time.

I promise, Jon was having fun, that's just his picture smile.

Joci and I tried on pretty, fancy hats.

I took this picture with my phone's camera that adds action shots together to make one shot.  Pretty cool,, huh?

September 7, 2013

Joci and Memphis

Jocelyn LOVES horses.  All things horses, ponies, pegasus, unicorns, etc, etc, etc.  Any time we see a horse or drive by a pasture, she gets so excited.  So when we were back in Arizona I contacted an old colleague of mine who has a horse to see if she would be willing to let Joci meet her horse.  She said yes and so Joci and I spent a little time with my friend, Suzi, and her horse Memphis.

Suzi was very gracious in letting us, especially Joci, stroke and talk to and about Memphis, and he was such a good boy standing perfectly still, letting her pet all over him and even give him a hug.  I really enjoyed watching Joci interact with Memphis.  I feel pretty proud for making that happen for her.

August, 2013

First Day of School

Well, well, well.  This is pretty lame.  I'm posting about the first day of school when my last posting is about the last day of school and have done nothing in between.  I guess that goes to show we had a nice full summer.  I never promised that this blog would be in chronological order...did I?

I was definitely ready for school to start.  The kids and I had loads of fun, but I am certainly ready for a little alone time and to get back to our routine.

I've had a hard time coming to terms with Jocelyn starting junior school, the same that Joseph already attends, this year.  She will be in Year 3, Joe in Year 5.  My baby is no longer a baby.  She is very much her own person, with her own personality, her own likes and dislikes, her own gestures and way of speaking.  Joci still likes to cuddle and gives tons of hugs and kisses, she still has her favorite blankie (a new one that Grandma made for her), and unfortunately she still sucks her thumb whenever she can get away with it.  She looked so grown up in her dress today for school, in red, no longer yellow.  She was so excited this morning while getting ready and during our walk, but when we rounded the corner she grabbed on to me and said "it's so big and there's too many people".  She was quite clingy until we saw her friends and then she was back to her happy, sassy ways.  It did take us awhile to figure out which door to go into, where to put her lunch box and bookbag, but once that was done.  She was off and ready to go.  Bless her, my big girl.

Joseph, on the other hand, was as cool and confident as a cucumber.  He was excited to join his class, his has the biggest classroom, and really couldn't wait to leave Joci and I and join his friends and class.  He was up and raring to go quite early and was very chatty on the way to school.  I wish I could have walked in with him as well, but he was off and didn't really appear to need me at all.  Joe is growing so fast, as well.  Where did the last nine years go? 

I walked back to our house, it was so quiet when I closed the door, and immediately my mind began to race with all the things that needed to be done.  Back to the grind, back to the schedule. 

When the kids came home they excitedly told me about their day.  Joe did see Joci a couple of times during the day, though Joci did not see Joe.  They enjoyed their lunches (chicken and cheese sandwich, cucumber, apple, and a yogurt), and both seemed to have teachers suited to them.  Joe's teacher had them do a large sunflower craft based on Vincent VanGough, Joci's teacher had them play miscellaneous games including one for numeracy.  I was so happy and relieved that both of them came home with big smiles on their faces and lovely stories of their day.

Best First Day of School EVER!

On their way to school.

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I love how she and her friends were holding hands.  So sweet.

This should pretty much be captioned "Enough with the pictures!"

Finally settled in class and working on her name word search. 

September 4, 2013