Monday, March 9, 2009


Today I am overwhelmed.

I am easily overwhelmed and sometimes by things that most people would find, well, not overwhelming.

Most of it is me, and some of it is the result of some drama/trauma that I went through a couple of years ago. Since then, I have noticed that my anxiety has been ratcheted up quite a few levels. I have gotten ‘help’ for this, but stopped going when the help I was getting was going anywhere. The help I was getting was beneficial, certainly, but, I don’t know that it fulfilled my needs to the extent that I needed.

Now, I find myself needing more ‘help’. I’m going to make that call tomorrow.

Today has been stressful, very stressful, and it makes it an ugly cycle when I become even more upset just with the fact that I am stressed at all!

It started with Jocelyn. No, she didn’t throw a tantrum, or talk back, or anything like that, although it was annoying that she insisted on wearing her Cinderella dress today rather than the absolutely adorable outfit I had for her to wear. That wasn’t it, as things like that pretty much happen everyday. This weekend Joci started getting sick. Big nasty green boogies (Thank God she can now blow her nose so I don’t have to suck them out with the bulb syringe), coughing, sneezing, and a light fever. This morning as she walked down the stairs to find me she coughed. Not only did she cough, but it was the cough that freaks me out…croup! Damn that croup! Why won’t that crap leave my kids alone? It sounded horrible, so, right away I gave her a breathing treatment, which didn’t do much. Jon agreed to stay home with her and take her to the doctor even though he wasn’t feeling great either. Stress.

So I took Joe to the sitter’s house and called the doctor to get her an appt. Of course, our doctor was out sick today. Our back-up doctor was fully booked, so we had to see someone who was available. I hate this, especially when Joci is concerned because of her medical history. More stress.

I was 4 minutes late for work. More stress.

Running a little behind on my regular work, and forgot that today would be the first day of a big project this week. To accommodate this, I asked to work from home on Wednesday rather than Friday. Oh, and since I didn’t get what I needed to do from certain people until late in the day, I had to work late to get it done. More stress.

We had more bills than normal this last paycheck, so we are a bit strapped for money until Thursday. I hate money issues. More stress.

I know I cannot let this scare me, but it really, really does. The economy is freaking me out. I am trying so hard to keep a hopeful attitude about it all, but with Jon’s job dangling there like a little kid’s loose tooth, I’m having a hard time remaining positive. More stress.

I shouldn’t even put this out there, but it is stressful for me to try to find balance between having a clean house and having time to do the things I WANT to do. More stress.

So, how do I fix this today? Tonight, I am going to take a bubble bath using some of the awesome Lush product that Jon got me for Christmas. I am going to shave my legs and enjoy the scent of the bubbles. In short, I am going to throw myself a little pity party because tomorrow I am going to have a good positive attitude, able to handle anything that comes at me!

Tomorrow I am going to wake up a little earlier so I can get home earlier. Tomorrow I am going to be Super-Mommy able to take care of the kids and not show how worried I am about big green boogies (aren't you glad I don't have a graphic for that one!). Tomorrow I will handle my work like a champ, and I will spend ZERO money. I will count my blessings and one of them will be that Jon still has his job and that he is lucky to be a leader in his field. I will clean the dishes and pick up and then go out and scrapbook in the office.

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